From Wikipedia on 07-NOV-2012
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning “many” or “several”, and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Many contend that it is distinct from both swinging (which often emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) or with polysexuality (which is attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes).
Polyamory, often abbreviated as poly, is often described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is sometimes used in a broader sense to refer to sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.
The term “polyamorous” can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). It is sometimes used as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved. Polyamory is a less specific term than polygamy, the practice or condition of having more than one spouse. The majority of polygamous cultures are traditionally polygynous, where one husband has multiple wives. Polyandrous societies, in which one wife has multiple husbands, are less common but do exist. Marriage is not a requirement in polyamorous relationships. The “knowledge and consent of all partners concerned” is a defining characteristic of polyamorous relationships. Distinguishing polyamory from traditional forms of non-monogamy (e.g., “cheating”) is an ideology that openness, goodwill, truthful communication, and ethical behavior should prevail among all the parties involved. As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.
People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, polyamory may embark on a polyamorous relationship when single or already in a monogamous or open relationship. Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships, which commonly consist of people seeking to build long-term relationships with more than one person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationships. In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compersion, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards. Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. The skills and attitudes needed to manage polyamorous relationships add challenges that are not often found in the traditional “dating-and-marriage” model of long-term relationships. Polyamory may require a more fluid and flexible approach to love relationship, and yet operate on a complex system of boundaries or rules. Additionally, participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have, nor expect their partners to have, preconceptions as to the duration of the relationship, in contrast to monogamous marriages where a lifelong union is generally the goal. However, polyamorous relationships can and do last many years.
My Own Writing
While monogamy may imply exclusivity, the converse is not necessarily true. In other words, it’s possible to be in an exclusive. polyamorous relationship (e.g. a triad) in which none of the participants dates or has sex with anyone outside the group.
Do marriage and monogamy paradoxically contribute to unhappy relationships? The hypothesis goes like this: When people form monogamous relationships, they are also almost always exclusive. This removes options from the pool of potential partners and greatly increases competition for desirable partners. Much like the nicest houses in the nicest neighborhoods, or the best seats in a theater. Because supply is very limited, only a few can obtain them and most must settle for less, which reduces satisfaction.
Pros and Cons of Polyamory
Pros
– Honesty
– Openness
– No cheating or sneaking around. No deception and consequent loss of trust.
– Variety/novelty in sex and relationship partners.
– No jealousy (in theory), since there should be no fear of losing your partner to an exclusive relationship with someone else.
Cons
– Relationship can become unbalanced if one partner gets a new partner and the other doesn’t.
– Time/attention is a zero-sum game. If one person gets more, another must get less.
– Holidays can be problematic. Which partner do you spend them with? Whose family?
– Might be easier to seek a new relationship, rather than work on problems in existing relationship, leaving them unresolved.
– Children, by their nature, are the result of one man and one woman, forcing a degree of exclusivity.
– May not be equally fair to male and female partner over time, because women are more heavily evaluated on youth and beauty (which declines with age) while men are more heavily evaluated on wealth and status (which tends to increase with age).