From Wikipedia on 12-Dec-2012
Friendship is a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. Friendships and acquaintanceship are thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, and philosophy. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, including social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.
The value of friendship
The value of friendship may be expressed as the benefit gained from a friend who is consistently demonstrating any of the following:
– The tendency to desire what is best for the other
– Sympathy and empathy
– Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
– Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
– Enjoyment of each other’s company
– Trust in one another
– Positively strong, deep, close reciprocity, mutuality—equal give-and-take between the two parties
– The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
In the Unites States, friendship is a more loosely based term. From the time children enter elementary school, most teachers and adults call every other peer they have a “friend” and in most classrooms, or any social setting, children are dictated as to how to behave with their friends, and are told who their friends are. This leaves for a very different base for what a friend should actually be (Stout 2010). This type of open approach to friendship, has made it so many Americans, adolescents in particular, have taken on the term “best friend”. (Stout 2010). Many psychologists have deemed this term as dangerous for American children. This term is so dangerous because it allows for discrimination and groups to form, which causes for bullying in many American schools (Stout 2010). Many people in the United States have come to define their friends in a particular way, and research proves this has been happening for nearly 30 years (Sheets & Lugar 2005). For Americans, friends are people who you encounter fairly frequently that is similar to yourself in demographic, attitude, and activity (Sheets & Lugar 2005). While many other cultures value deep trust and meaning to their friendships, Americans will use the word “friend” to describe any person who has the qualities mentioned before (Stout 2010). There is also a difference in America between men and women who have friendships with the same sex. It has been studied, that it seems men in America have less deep and meaningful friendships with other men, as women have in friendships with other women. Many men and women in the United States have been studied to have similar definitions and ideas of intimacy, but when it comes to applying their intimacy to friendships, women do this with a deeper meaning (Yugar & Shapiro 2001). While studies do suggest these outcomes, it is hard to say exactly where this originated from, since there does not seem to be a historical explanation for it ( Yagar & Shapiro 2001). Many studies have also found that Americans, as time goes on, and life becomes busier; will often lose touch with friends, where as other cultures take on a more intense value. For example, an American may see a long time friend and talk about wanting to get something to eat or catch up, with no real intentions of fulfilling that suggestion. It has been studied that this can be an unusual occurrence in many other cultures (Sheets & Lugar 2005).
Americans also use the term “friend” very freely, referring to someone they have known for a few weeks as a friend, perhaps for lack of a term for someone who is more than an acquaintance but less than a friend (Copeland, 2001). The rise of social networking websites – initially with Friendster, followed by others like Myspace and Facebook, which popularized the concept of “Friend requests” – also diluted the traditional meaning of friend due to the manner of many users to accept requests from people whom they have ‘met’ only once – or not at all – and,once the request is accepted, include that person in their “friend list”
Decline of friendships in the U. S.
According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the journal American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since at least 1985. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped from four to two.
According to the study:
The percentage of Americans who had at least one confidant not connected to them through kinship dropped from 80% to 57%.
Americans’ dependence for close contact on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%.
Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression.
Friendships in Adulthood
Just like adolescents, relationships with friends are important to older adults. Friends contribute to our satisfaction, give us a sense of belonging, competence, and self-worth.
Friendship involves:
– Enjoyment: spending time doing things together and sharing life experiences
– Trust: believing that our friends act on our behalf
– Respect and understanding: believing that our friends have the right to their own opinions
– Mutual assistance: helping and supporting our friends and having them help us
– Confiding: sharing confidential matters with our friends
It might be particularly hard to maintain meaningful friendships in the workplace. “The workplace can crackle with competition, so people learn to hide vulnerabilities and quirks from colleagues. Work friendships often take on a transactional feel; it is difficult to say where networking ends and real friendship begins” (Williams, 2012). Also, once you get a good friendship in the workplace, it can easily be taken away. Because, “a job provides financial security. If forced to choose between keeping your source of income and a friendship, most people would choose to keep their job” (Bryant, 2012).
Types of friendships
Friends are people we know and trust, and who are special to us socially and emotionally. Friends are usually chosen among people who are considered the same as us. The people adults select as friends tend to be those who:
– have grown up together
– have similar occupations
– have children the same age
– have similar interests
– are the same general age and the same gender
The majority of adults have three or more close friends and more than half of adults have ten or more friends. Men and women have the same number of friends, however, women are likely to confide more in friendships than men. Men tend to enjoy activities or discuss and practice special skills. Adults also often make friends based on who their children are friends with. Many times, parents within a neighborhood are all friends because they are around each other so much because of their children. Parents will also often make friends with other parents on their children’s sports teams for the same reason. Not all adult acquaintances will end up in the friendship stage, however, it is likely that some will share commonalities and form a deeper relationship (Newman & Newman, 2012).
With life events such as marriage, parenthood, and accelerated career development, young adulthood merges into middle adulthood. Following marriage, both women and men report having fewer cross-gender friends. This may be due to suspicion and jealousy, and spouses spend most of their free time together rather than separately in social situations that might lead to cross-sex friendship formation. Also, when people marry they generally become more dependent on spouses and less so on friends for meeting social needs (Friendships, 2012).
Opposite-sex friendship
Friend of the opposite sex having no sexual or romantic activity: a male who has a female friend, or a female who has a male friend.
Historically, opposite-sex friendships have been rare. This is because often men would labor in order to support themselves and their family, while women stayed at home and took care of the housework and children. The lack of contact led to men forming friendships exclusively with their colleagues and women forming friendships with other stay-at-home mothers. However, as women attended schools more and as their presence in the workplace increased, the segregated friendship dynamic was altered, and opposite-sex friendships began to increase. Opposite-sex friendship, once a sign of gender deviance, has been loosened because of the increase of gender equality in schools and the workplace, along with certain interests and pastimes such as sports. Opposite-sex friendships are not always a socially accepted norm of amity, and some of those friendships could develop into romantic feelings (see romantic friendship). When these feelings are not mutual, they can often backfire, making it hard for the two to remain friends.
Friendship and health
The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance an individual’s sense of happiness and overall well-being, but a number of solid studies support the notion that strong social supports improve a woman’s prospects for good health and longevity. Conversely, it has been shown that loneliness and lack of social supports are linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer as well as higher mortality rates. Two researchers have even termed friendship networks a “behavioral vaccine” that protects both physical and mental health.
While there is an impressive body of research linking friendship and health status, the precise reasons for this connection are still far from clear. Most of the studies are large prospective studies (that follow people over a period of time), and while there may be a correlation between the two variables (friendship and health status), researchers still do not know if there is a cause-and-effect relationship, i. e., that good friendships actually improve health.
There are a number of theories that attempt to explain the link, including: Good friends encourage their friends to lead more healthy lifestyles; Good friends encourage their friends to seek help and access services when needed; Good friends enhance their friends’ coping skills in dealing with illness and other health problems; and/or Good friends actually affect physiological pathways that are protective of health.